Barkerburgh

I’m going to enter NaNoWriMo, the (Inter)National Novel Writing Month - it is actually global, the original organizers were just a tad Americocentrically chauvinist in their choice of name.

7> Wish me luck.

The other day I had the pleasure of babysitting little Simon Long-Concatenated-Family-Name-Smythe while Leslie went to the dentist.

He’s a cute little guy, very engaging and good-natured, even when he bumped his head under the dining room table when we were playing Peek-a-boo - which I think is a childish name, so I call it ‘Hello!’.

He’s not really a born heller, but he is active and curious. I figured the whole gig was gonna be a doddle; put him in the playpen with a rattley-bell thing and watch Judge Judy. No play pen.

So I had to pretty much pay attention the whole time. =;]

He was actually fun to look after. He’s friendly, in that he didn’t make strange once with me after Leslie left and being a little primate, he’s into everything. His current credo appears to be ‘If it ain’t food, it’s a toy, or vice reversa’. I’m paraphrasing, of course.

He climbed the stairs once and a half, giving up about halfway on the second try. I was right behind him with my hands at the ready just by his ribcage, and he kept looking to make sure I was there.

We played in the backyard, on the front porch, on the kitchen floor, in his room (cool animal puppets which he loves - so do I), on the porch again, in the living room, in the backyard again, up and down the hallway, and on the return air grate in the front hall by the door (it’s got tin-foil on the bottom, hell, even I think it’s cool).

When we heard heavy equipment on the street we went out to the sidewalk and saw a backhoe and a dumptruck just down the street so went as close as I dared, which was when he started looking distressed at the level of the noise. He adjusted quickly though and we watched until the backhoe left.

We went for a walk with him in his stroller to find other heavy equipment, but I think it was their lunch time because, even though I knew there was more road repairs (etc) going on in the neighbourhood, we couldn’t find any activity. We were gone for about 40 minutes, Simon fell asleep twice, after making a pleasant little cooing noise a couple of times.

Leslie was home when we got back. I hung around, hung out and chatted, then stayed for dinner (kedgeree, mmm) and got some interesting information on my spider from Peter and his books.

I slept like a really tired rock that night, and now my shoulder and back are sore from lifting and carrying Simon around, but hell, it was fun and he’s a great kid.

Oh, and the parents are pretty cool too, but not as much fun to hang out with.

=;]

Last week I got to spend a few days with Reid and Luisa (along with young whatsisname and the other one) at their ancestral beach home in the Wasagas.

John, Kristen, Jamie and a baby to be named later were there when I arrived (picked up by limousine from the omnibus terminal on the High Street). Then they left. But it was nice to see them for a few minutes anyway.

The wind was high, coming in off the lake and the waves were whitecapped over sandbars. The weather was fresh and comfortable, almost entirely bug-free, and I had a big old bedroom all to my self, because I was the guest, not because I snore.

Rita Quieti, an old friend of the family, whom I know from CBC, came for the last few days too. It was great to see her again and she brought a whole mess of food. Mmmm. We like Rita.

I swam a lot with Junior and other Junior, ate a lot, got sunburned a little, tried to walk to Michigan through Georgian Bay and Lake Huron, slapped the buoy, saw a gorgeous sunset from water level, read much of an excellent book (”Fitzpatrick’s War” by Theodore Judson, the kind of book you regret finishing - because it’s so good, not that you ever regreted starting it in the first place), played the very interesting board game”Power Grid” (but no one won due to dinner being ready and the table being needed. I would have, though.), and the delightful “Munchkin Fu“.

The first time I came back from swimming in the high waves, I felt strangely energized. Might try that regular back here in the city.

Had a fine time.

Well, here’s my wrap up of the last day of the Gathering of the Fellowship.

Again, it was a much smaller scale than the first Gathering, but quite interesting.

Ted Nasmith, the famous Tolkien (and Other artist), seems to be a Beatles fan. He, his brother, and a fellow whose identity I didn’t catch put on a short concert of Beatles songs rewritten as Lord of the Rings songs by Ted himself (I think…)

The first one was a version of “Help!” which got a standing ovation; it was clever and funny. It was also their encore.

During a short break, partway through the concert I felt obliged to shout out “You guys are more popular than Frodo!”

I got a good laugh.

Later that day, Ted did a concert with just his brother on the keyboards of original LOTR-themed songs he’s written himself, some quite moody and mournful, especially about Beren and Luthien (who, as all know, were the George and Gracie of Middle-earth).

At the first Gathering, I wore a temporary tattoo of the Ring Inscription across my forehead and across the back of my head. (Blatherings link, scroll down.) It was from a bookmark provided by Atlantis-Alliance and distributed at the Gathering.

They were long out of them this time, so I went to a dollar store and bought a sheet of temporary tattoos with mainstream fantasy themes. The first day I wore a European dragon on my forehead, the second day I wore a Chinese dragon, and the third day I wore a sword with a flaming skull. Of course, I kept forgetting they were there (especially out in Public) and couldn’t understand the looks people were giving me, which were even weirder than usual.

I want to thank my friends, who I’ll just call “Tim” and “Anneli” for the delightful birthday present of the membership for the Gathering.

1> ‘The Unit’ looks like a good show.

2> So does ‘Boston Legal’.

3> That poor kid in Detroit who the 911 operator told to stop fooling around with the 911 system…

4> I really should have been watching ‘Babylon 5′ years ago.

5> Dean Koontz’es’s book ‘From the Corner of His Eye’ is a good read, nicely constructed, even though hardly anything really plotty happens until about page 600.

6> ‘My Name is Earl’ gets funnier and funnier.

7> Venus Express!

8> I love this weather.

9> The last few episodes of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ have been kickass, except I missed it both times on Space this past weekend through bad TV viewing planning. I guess I need to take a course.

10> ‘Coronation Street’ is getting kinda wacky, but that’s good. It’s a little boring when things are normal.

11> Nancy Grace is a foul human being.

12> If I was taller, I could see farther in a crowd during an emergency.

From Anneli, via email, the tool of the devil…

Laughs from Employee Performance Evaluations

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotations taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”

2. “I would not allow this employee to breed.”

3. “This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”

4. “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”

5. “When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”

6. “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

7. “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

8. “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

9. “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”

10. “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”

11. “A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

12. “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”

14. “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”

15. “He’s been working with glue too much.”

16. “He would argue with a signpost.”

17. “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”

18. “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”

19. “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”

20. “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”

21. “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”

22. “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”

23. “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

24. “He’s got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”

25. “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twic e a week.”

26. “If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”

27. “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”

28. “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”

29. “One neuron short of a synapse.”

30. “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”

31. “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes.”

32. “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

A gift from Anneli…

Getting into Heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates an angel tells
him, “You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths that some people will go to in order to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”

The angel snaps her fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appears. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his Theory of Relativity.

The angel is suitably impressed, “You really are Einstein!” she says. “Welcome to Heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again the angel asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”

The angel says “Go ahead.”

Picasso sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

“Surely you are the great artist you claim to be” says the angel. “Come on in.”

The angel then looks up and sees George W. Bush. The angel scratches her head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”

George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”

The angel stands aside and says, “OK, George come on in.”

For various reasons: some of you are good people (most, I’ll grant) and need a respite, some need the chance to be good (you probably don’t know who you are), some want to be good and are trying (you have good role models), some ought to have three spirits visit you if they didn’t this year (you definitely don’t know who you are - or you wouldn’t need to have three spirits visit you, you’d be in another category), and, as they say, et cetera.

The last few years have been tough for me, but life goes on, and keeps on going. I have good friends and that helps, as does my uncompromising faith in Lord Darwinism, Master Skepticism and Our Blessed Mother Science.

To the Moon, Mars, Jupiter and the Stars!

(Oo, somebody should write a song with that title!)

Dear Friends,

In the spirit of the season, I offer the two items under ‘Pages’ in the sidebar section to the right.

The instructions are included. Pay attention to #7.

The season of presents! Always presents! Ever presents!

And kindness and love and hope, while we’re at it.

Anneli’s husband, the redoubtable Tim, brought me back some cool rocks from his part of the same trip as the wife. They are a simple handful of stones from what looks like an old fishing town, Clovelly on the north coast of Devon, England. Here’s the Google Maps link. Here’s the Joint Nature Conservation Committee link for the natural history of the region.

I couldn’t remember the name of the town yesterday so I couldn’t write it up with Anneli’s story. (I was thinking Gravelly, probably by association…) Here are some pictures. My stones came from the beach there, where the boats get pulled up from time to time.

Check out those pictures, that town, those houses. Look where the town is built and how. Imagine looking out to sea past that fog hanging over the beach, wandering when the last tourist launch from Tintagel would be getting back - it’s only forty or so kilometers south - it’s late and the sea’s a little rough. The women worry about the birdwatchers coming back from Lundy Island, the innkeepers and the souvenir sellers alike; t’was ever thus.

Now here’s the stone-soup blessing of getting a small box of pebbles from halfway around the world. I start looking up just the bare facts based on the story they tell me and find those pictures, then I find the town’s own website, then I find the Joint Nature Conservation Committee, and that means I can check out stuff there on other regions of the British Isles I’m interested in. Later I decide to look up the Google maps view, see some cool stuff there.

So some kind souls carry those stones along on their trip, then back across the sea through the upper airs, tell me interesting stories about where they came from and how they picked them, I get on the Internet and am enriched again.