Barkerburgh

Seven words you won’t be able to say on TV anymore.

I will always laugh about Cardinal Glick.
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I just discovered that Buffalo’s PBS station, WNED, broadcast 17, cable 61 (Rogers, downtown) is rerunning The Vicar of Dibley and the exquisite mid-1980s Sherlock Holmes series with Jeremy Brett in the title role.

Dawn French is almost flawless in The V of D, (en passant, closing credits include “Dawn French supplied by: Saunders and French Productions”) and Jeremy Brett is the best Sherlock Holmes ever. Ever.

Peter and Leslie heard this (or a version of it) on the BBC in France a few years ago.

I googled a few key terms that they remembered but all I found was this transcription from an English girl’s blog on Bebo. It’s the right bit, but no attribution or credit…

Does anyone know who originally recorded and/or wrote it?

Welcome to Hufflepuff

You’ll just have heard the Sorting Hat mention, in his curiously insensitive song, how Gryffindor is for the Brave, Slytherin for the Cunning, Ravenclaw for the Wise, and Hufflepuff for… The Rest. And I realise that to hear that, and then almost immediately to find yourself sorted into Hufflepuff, well, it’s not quite the ego boost one hopes for on one’s first day at school.

You are one of “The Rest”. The Sorting hat has looked deep into your very soul, and what it saw there evidently didn’t impress. Oh, I’m aware that the hat has, in the past, occasionally described you as “kind”. Yes, and I’m sure that you also have lovely hair.

Some of you may be wondering about the thinking behind the school’s decision to put all the appalling duffers into one house, call it “Hufflepuff”, and give it the symbol of a Badger. A little harsh, you may feel. You may even, who knows, be questioning the wisdom of trusting the school’s entire admissions procedure to a Hat.

These are not, alas, questions I can answer. All I can do is urge you to look on the bright side. At least you’re not in Slytherin! (Another curious decision from the school there. To dedicate an entire house to the children in its care who are Evil. Surely a recipe for trouble.)

Anyway, being in Hufflepuff isn’t all bad. We have our moments of excitement and achievement. Last year, one of us was killed! That was exciting! And it’s something we can all aspire towards.

Just saw it for the first time last night on Bravo.

Wow.

If you’ve never seen it, please do.

It’s got it all; layered flashbacks, voice-over explication, sex, drugs, angst, twists, verisimilitude (but only similitude), did I mention sex? I did; so let’s make it a hat trick - sex.

Sorta/kinda reminds me of ‘A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum’ but without the songs. Yes. Really.

It’s the most delightfully self-referential movie since ‘South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut.’ And almost as funny.

Peter C. says I now have to see “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” and “Being John Malkovich.” Ain’t gunna argue.

Anybody for a movie marathon some Sunday afternoon? You bring the movies. I’ll bring the anticipatory glee.

Alas, poor Donald.

I’m doing a regular house-sitting gig for friends right now who have three cats; two late middle-aged lady cats who are set in their ways, and one young tom. I’ve known the ladies for years and respect them, and they know and exploit me. The boy is about a year and half old and knows where the catnip is, but not how to get to it. And I also get to look after wee Simon every so often, but haven’t for a bit.

Here’s the connection. I’m trying to remember to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to Simon when it’s appropriate so that, hopefully, he will pick up on it later. (The kid’s a wildman so I don’t have any predictions, but it couldn’t hurt.) This particular house-sitting episode I find myself telling young Soda Pop, when he’s sharpening his claws on the sofa by the front door, ‘Please don’t do that, Soda Pop.’ And then ‘Thank you’ when he stops.

But in my universe, if it works, it works. It ain’t Hogwarts or Yoknapatawpha County (Word Press spel-chacker just flagged Hogwarts but not Yoknapatawpha.)

Then, after thinking the 25th anniversary edition of William Goldman’s ‘The Princess Bride’ was the last word, I come across the 30th anniversary edition here where I’m house-sitting. Which exploitative escapade I guess I shoulda seen comin’ from Goldman, considering. It’s got afterwords and study guides and interviews with the characters.

The 25th anniversary edition had it that Stephen King was part Florinese

Now, while you’re reading the book, you can talk to the characters if you have the right bifocals.

You know what, WTF, I’m part Florinese, with a dash of belligerent Guilderian.

My ancestor was Sir Real.

‘Being chased by Columbo is like being nibbled to death by a duck.’

I just saw it on DVD and laughed my head off. Loved it. Not nearly as outrageous as I thought it was going to be, but maybe that’s just me and my sensibilities.

Anneli recommended it and that was a good sign, but I half expected to be cringing mentally and emotionally half the time. I did, but in a good way.

If you haven’t seen it, and aren’t easily offended, see it. There’s a dozen laugh out loud hilarious bits, most tied to the fact that the Americans Borat is with are being wickedly satirized just by being themselves and reacting to Borat just being ‘himself’.

Borat: not just another petty farce.

Want to generate near-real but faux quotes from real movies using a word or phrase you input?

Try this for a laugh.

The phrase ‘naked cheerleaders’ was mine.

I also tried ‘dirty underpants’ and got this. “Gort! Klaatu barada dirty underpants!” Guess what movie that was from.

Now choose your own word or phrase.

(Try using dirty words…it’s funnier!)

Halalarious!

To coin a phrase.

Actually, to steal a line from one of their own commercials.

Catch the first episode again tonight, Wednesday, January 10, at 8:00 EST in its regular timeslot on CBC! (No, they’re not paying me. They used to, ten years ago, but they walked me out. Another story. Never mind.)

Anyhoooo.

A) First episode. Establishes the milieu, the characters, the underflow and overflow of attitudes and prejudices in Mercy, Saskatchewan, involving the coming of a new imam, a former Toronto lawyer, to serve the small Muslim congregation. (There’s a scene where the old imam tries to hi-5 another character…you had to be there…)

2> Funny, happy, irritatingly normal, even with the terrorist scares, head-scarves, misinterpretations, and photo-ops.

iii] Happily looking forward to the next episode. Maybe there’ll be Cylons!

Okay, probably no Cylons, since they’re handling the whole small-town Canadian ignorant bigot thing so funnily.

I can laugh because I’m related to them. Small-town Canadian ignorant bigots, that is. Seriously. But I only acknowledge and exploit that relationship for humorous purposes, because I am otherwise bewildered by and ashamed of it.

Thank God I can finally exhort that without thinking of ‘Mosquito Lake‘ or ‘The Trouble with Tracy‘.

I am happily looking forward to ‘Little Mosque on the Prairie‘, which premieres Tuesday, January 9th at 8:30pm on CBC. I must admit, though, that I am a little puzzled as to why they didn’t just call it ‘Corner Mosque‘.

(Or perhaps, God help me, ‘Mosque Lake’.)

What are you and your family doing Monday night at 8:00pm with the TV tuned to CBC?

It’s a live-action UK/Canada co-production (filmed in Romania) of the great classic, fairly faithful to the tale as far as I can tell from the casting, ( and the articles I’ve just seen), but with the characters as almost completely humanoid, without fancy prosthetics. Matt Lucas, of the excellent English sketch comedy series ‘Little Britain‘ (which is narrated by Tom Baker) stars as Toad, with Bob Hoskins as Badger, and our own Mary Walsh as the Washerwoman.

Here’s the BBC press pack for the production.

Why this post, you may be asking yourself?

I’m a big fan of the book, and I even wrote two short stories a few years ago inspired by my first re-reading of the book in decades.

I saw the cover picture on this week’s Toronto Star TV magazine, beamed in delight and went straight to the article.