Barkerburgh

Just saw it for the first time last night on Bravo.

Wow.

If you’ve never seen it, please do.

It’s got it all; layered flashbacks, voice-over explication, sex, drugs, angst, twists, verisimilitude (but only similitude), did I mention sex? I did; so let’s make it a hat trick - sex.

Sorta/kinda reminds me of ‘A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum’ but without the songs. Yes. Really.

It’s the most delightfully self-referential movie since ‘South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut.’ And almost as funny.

Peter C. says I now have to see “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” and “Being John Malkovich.” Ain’t gunna argue.

Anybody for a movie marathon some Sunday afternoon? You bring the movies. I’ll bring the anticipatory glee.

Alas, poor Donald.

I’m really kicking along with it.

There are tricks to increasing word count without (I’m thinkin’) compromising quality too much.

First, don’t use five words when ten will do. But choose those those ten words judiciously.

Next, if you’re stuck or stricken with “writer’s block” when you’re writing, perhaps when you make a reference to an event in the past, make more than just a reference to an event in the past. Remember the 6+6 Rule, which I just made up (and which like Christianity and Communism should be, isn’t really a rule, it’s more of a suggestion…): Run a check list that looks like this in my head.

1. Touch?
2. Taste?
3. Smell?
4. Sight?
5. Sound?
6. Feel?

And:

1. How?
2. Who?
3. What?
4. Where?
5. When?
6. Why?

Why? Well, since I write in the first person a lot, the character’s emotional state is the main filter to record the action, whether in the present or in a flashback. One or more of these will trigger an idea or even ideas that will get you through your block, and raise your word count. Works for me all the time. Caffeine helps a lot too.

C) If you have a list of suggestions/ideas from your friends and you can’t seem to integrate one or two of them into the story (as you promised you would when you solicited those ideas in the first place) just take that idea and make something up out of the blue sky. Then do what humans have done with something new ever since the Pleistocene, and just shoe-horn that new concept into the storyline wherever the hell it will fit, and damn if you don’t find out you’ve got something that really gooses the rest of the story along, like the discovery of fire, the Silk Road, or General Relativity.

Then, keep in mind (and put a sticky on the monitor if you have to in order to keep it in mind), the reader will not - ever - have in their head the same exquisite picture of the scene that you do, all the background noises of the alien bazaar, the rushing of the river by the bridge, or the hum and whoosh of the bowels of the space-station access tunnels, not necessarily even early 21st Century office sounds. Provide lots of details while respecting the reader’s own imagination. The alien bazaar will simply not look or sound the same to the reader as it does to you in your own imagination, no matter how much detail you provide. Balance the desire to fit and fix them right then and there, where and when you want them to be, with the absolute fact that they wouldn’t be reading science fiction if they didn’t have a functioning imagination of their own.  But keep that word count climbing.

Finally, you are - that is to say, in this instance I am - in charge, and if the reader stays with you - me - then they’re going where I say they’re going. Period.

Oh, and pander to the base.

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Edited for typos and fine-tuning, Tuesday, November 27, 2007, 12:31pm

Ever since the Future began in 2001 (January 1st, not September 11th, <i>pace</i> thousands), Reality has been catching up with Science Fiction, IMHO. But Reality’s also been fine-tuning Science Fiction as it goes along.

Face it, slidewalks, city-sized computers to <font title=”mmm, pi crunching…”>crunch pi</font>, or transfer booths might be cool plot devices, but Reality doesn’t have a plot (<i>pace</i> thousands of crazy-ass conspiracy theorists), the natural resources or the laws of physics (that we’re aware of so far…).

D’y'ever read David Brin’s ‘Earth‘? Published in 1985, it took place 50 years into that future, 2035. The title simply means that story action takes place everywhere in, on, and around Earth from the core to orbit. In terms of what he ‘predicted’ for the evolution of a shared global data network (and yes, I know, SF writers don’t predict; they’re storytellers first and foremost), almost everything he imagined (think of this kind of imagining as a type of private, subjective, storytelling-focussed prediction, spare and stripped down) is available now (1985+22) to some lesser or greater degree of sophistication, and then some.

‘So Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Dave. Where ya headed?’

The Wiki. Brin didn’t call it that, but it’s here already; Wikipedia is probably the most well known example.

For my many soon-to-be-famous SF&F stories, I need to do background development, and occasionally considerable research and development. A while back I had downloaded an interesting looking wiki setup from SourceForge, called Wikka, free and open. I figured it would complement FreeMind, an excellent, simple and easy to learn Java-based (and thus cross-platform) mindmapping application, (like a much easier to learn and use Visio; flowcharting and the like) again from SourceForge. Wikka was okay, but a little like 1985 email, if anyone remembers those anymore. Very Flintstones. MS Word-style GUI functionality is mostly missing for formatting and editing - most commands are things like two apostrophes before and after a text string to italicize it, or two equals signs before and after to bold it. To be fair, wikis are web-based and some Word type highlight-and-click functionality is present, but it’s rudimentary, and sometimes even warmly funny for its earnestness, like a nerd doing a box-step at the prom.

Then, God bless me, I found Mediawiki. It’s the wiki engine that Wikipedia uses, free to download and install. (I’m running an Apache/MySQL/PHP server and it slots right in.) Its back end is more sophisticated than Wikka (and one or two others that I tried) but it’s got a GUI (still a bit too fancy a term for what it is, but hey, we’re living in the Future, not the Future Perfect), and it takes no time to learn.

The ability to order and categorize information, research, ideas, and connections - all interlinked - is built in (that’s one big idea of a wiki, after all) and I can construct glossaries, dictionaries, and encyclopaedias, with tables, images, and lists of all types to help me keep my ideas straight. Granted, one other big idea of a wiki is collaboration, but I like to think of this as a collaboration with myself over time.

MS Word is still the main tool to actually compose the oeuvres, but my beloved Mediawiki helps keep all my ideas straight.

What’s next? Well, I’ve always (insofar as a sentient adult creature with a limited lifespan can use the word) liked the idea of Geordi Laforge’s e-worktable in the engine room on the Enterprise, an IPhone-like touch-screen tabletop for whatever you need to do. Well, just this morning I saw on TV that Microsoft is introducing a prototype Surface Touch-Table, which they’re showing off at a downtown hotel today.

And next after that? The Lost In Space robot, a flying car, the space elevator and immortality.

C’mon, Future!!

For the first time in a jeezes long time, I watched three full hours of CBC last night.

First was that Japanese-Canadian sciencey guy whose first name I always forget, with an excellently beautiful hour of Canadian geology, the first of a series (Geologic Journey), focussing on the history and formation of the Great Lakes, with some great geology of the Niagara Escarpment. Cool shots, cool knowledge, cool host - you know the guy I mean, right?

Second was The John Chew Show - I mean, Test the Nation, during which, out of 70 questions, I answered 63 correctly. Seriously, John was there as part of a group of word-gamers and he got talked to by one of the hosts, Brent Bambury. There were teachers, puzzle guys, comics and ad-writers, too.

I’m doing a regular house-sitting gig for friends right now who have three cats; two late middle-aged lady cats who are set in their ways, and one young tom. I’ve known the ladies for years and respect them, and they know and exploit me. The boy is about a year and half old and knows where the catnip is, but not how to get to it. And I also get to look after wee Simon every so often, but haven’t for a bit.

Here’s the connection. I’m trying to remember to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to Simon when it’s appropriate so that, hopefully, he will pick up on it later. (The kid’s a wildman so I don’t have any predictions, but it couldn’t hurt.) This particular house-sitting episode I find myself telling young Soda Pop, when he’s sharpening his claws on the sofa by the front door, ‘Please don’t do that, Soda Pop.’ And then ‘Thank you’ when he stops.

But in my universe, if it works, it works. It ain’t Hogwarts or Yoknapatawpha County (Word Press spel-chacker just flagged Hogwarts but not Yoknapatawpha.)

Then, after thinking the 25th anniversary edition of William Goldman’s ‘The Princess Bride’ was the last word, I come across the 30th anniversary edition here where I’m house-sitting. Which exploitative escapade I guess I shoulda seen comin’ from Goldman, considering. It’s got afterwords and study guides and interviews with the characters.

The 25th anniversary edition had it that Stephen King was part Florinese

Now, while you’re reading the book, you can talk to the characters if you have the right bifocals.

You know what, WTF, I’m part Florinese, with a dash of belligerent Guilderian.

My ancestor was Sir Real.

‘Being chased by Columbo is like being nibbled to death by a duck.’

Okay, so I have this totally legal, ethical and moral copy of Microsoft Encarta 2001. It has a reasonably good encyclopaedia, a reasonably good dictionary (non-etymological, but that’s okay since I know where all words come from anyway), and a reasonably good atlas.

I like the package because the encyclopaedia helps me cheat at Final Jeopardy (as if I really needed to) and when I’m watching some ‘true crime’ show, I can use the atlas to look up the little town in Kansas where the atrocious crime occured.

Here’s the thing of it. After I got my new (old) computer, I did what I did before which was to create image files of the four critical CDs that came with the Encarta package and mount them as virtual SCSI drives using one of a couple of packages I have that can do that. There were issues with the encyclopaedia but I resolved them. However, the atlas issues (the image file would mount but the system kept telling me to insert the correct CD) seemed insoluble.

Turns out that when I installed the atlas the first time, the drive letter for the virtual drive was added to the atlas’ registry entry and it wouldn’t recognize the new one when I remounted it with a new (automatically assigned) drive letter.

After a moment of inspiration, I started searching the registry for the atlas entry, saw the old drive letter, changed it to the new one, and, as you’ve probably guessed by now, it worked. And it gives me something to look out for in similar situations in the future, if there is one.

That’s why I don’t like Macs. No similar challenges. Plus they scare me.

Examples of True Mac Experiences:

“I’m not questioning your word, Dave, but it’s just not possible. I’m not capable of being wrong.”

“Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.”

There ya go.

1> Last night I finally saw ‘A Mighty Wind’ and thought it was great. What was even greater was that in the closing credits was this: “Video Assist - David Barker”. I can’t believe I don’t remember doing that. I guess I was really busy at the time. Now I only have to see ‘Best in Show’ and ‘For Your Consideration’.

2> I haven’t looked at CSS for a while so I thought I’d catch up. So I was reading quite a bit about CSS yesterday afternoon and wondering a lot about how to apply both PHP and CSS to the construction of my Jeopardy scoring project, instead of just using plain vanilla HTML and just a little CSS and PHP, which is what I’ve been doing. One of the books suggested that HTML tables be avoided in favour of CSS positioning, which kind of made more sense the more I read about it. So last night I actually dreamed about creating the Jeopardy screen without tables. When I remembered that this morning, most of it actually made sense. Cool.

3> This weather is wonderful. Lovely and springy in the daytime and cool and comfortable for sleeping at night.

4> Look at Chez PL&J to catch up on Jon’s recovery and Photon’s life in general.

This is a NaNoWriMo cousin event.

It’s a script writing contest : play or movie makes no never mind.

And it’s only 20,000 words.

Now, as you all are aware, I know at least 20,000 words.

So, given that ScriptFrenzy starts on June 1, 2007 and that is the month in which I will turn 50, I think I’m gonna give this a try.

Remember my 2006 NaNoWriMo request? (Which I am still working on, in case you were wondering - and thank you all again, your ideas were manure, rain and sunshine for my fallow imagination!)

(No, seriously. Manure, rain and sunshine. That’s how I think of all my friends. Which is who and who is what depends on my mood really, though.)

So here’s the thing of it.

I’m thinking a stage fantasy and totally stream-of-conciousness riffing here, ghosts, Atlantis, spiritual possession, (hell, spiritual dispossesion), Victorian sets, disembodied voices, disemvoiced bodies, you get the brunt of my gist…

But don’t be intimidated by the perceived limitations of a stage play: remember stage illusions can be indistinguishable from magic!

So do the same thing again you did last time. Give me a phrase, a short sentence, a soupcon of je-ne-sais-quoi, seven to ten words. Keeping in mind it’s for a live action stage script (Ronnie!) that may never be produced except on the Flash stage of my mind.

Deadline: I guess about Friday May 25 to give my a week to integrate your amazing ideas.

FY yer I: My bona fides: In high school I played Macbeth in Macbeth (the Shakespeare one) and John Proctor in Arthur Miller’s ‘The Crucible’, so over 30 years later, I must still have some stage cred, right?

Wow, as I write this, I’m thinking that a 20,000 word stage fantasy might be more challenging than NaNoWriMo! Cool.

So mosta y’all recall, I’m sure, how I found a Pentium III on the sidewalk along the Danforth a few months back. 650Mhz, 128 meg of RAM, since upgraded (via once forgotten RAM chips) to 320. There was a DVD reader (not much more than just that), a CD burner, a good video card (since upgraded to a Reid-supplied GEForce 3 card), a good sound card and a good (reliable, unlike its Win98 predecessor) network card.

What I don’t think I whinged about too much was that I thought my story files (novels, novel-like projects, and short stories) were on an unaccessable hard-drive, perhaps damaged by storage since the pre-Christmas total crash. I had plugged it in to the system and the system wasn’t recognizing it. Well, here’s the thing of it. It wasn’t the system or the drive. It turns out it was the IDE ribbon cable. On a whim on Thursday night, I replaced it and now I have access to all my soon-to-be-great novels and stories. Including my once long-lost NaNoWriMo novel, which I can once again work on. Huzzah.

To be honest, after I thought I’d lost them, I was seriously bummed. I felt like the stupid old universe had finally won, after all I’ve been through. But, finally, optimist that I am, inveterate mental Snoopy dancer that I am, I won. Finally.

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Simon likes to walk now, no stroller for him. Yesterday while we were out we went by the firehouse just a half a block from home. On the pretext that Simon has his own firetruck (which he does) and he likes it (which he does) I asked a firefighter if we could go in and take a close look at the firetruck (a pumper) that we could see through the closed door. The firefighter ran the lights, goosed the siren and pumped the air horn for me. Simon. Who, while a little spooked at first, nevertheless liked it just fine. So did I.

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And if you’re ever in the St. Clair and Dufferin neighbourhood and you want a tasty nosh, totally check out the Anatolian Pizza & Doner Kebab House. Have the lahmacun, pronounced approximately ‘lommajun‘. It’s this delicious Turkish pizza that smells exquisite and tastes as good as it smells.

So a while back when I was coming home from dinner at Tim and Anneli’s, I found a Dell Dimension Pentium III on the curb on the Danforth. The case was open and the hard-drive was gone but everything else, including 128M of RAM was still there. It was very heavy, so although I normally walk home from the Wright/Pekkonen household (on a good day it’s only a 25 minute walk) , I decided to take the subway, and of course, take the risk of the machine not working at all after I hauled it halfway across the frakkin’ city. It took me a while to make room for it but I finally got it working with one of my own hard-drives and Windows 2000. And it has two working USB ports so now I can use my data-spud, (as Peter K. calls my USB jump-drive and I think it’s funny…)

I’m very relieved to have two computers again that I can waste time playing games on and not working on my PHP or writing a great F or SF novel- or series of intricately inter-related short stories.

Hurray for me. And hurray for you, too, whoever you are and whatever you’ve recently accomplished.

PS, if you haven’t seen this on Reid’s blog, take a look. It’s hilarious.