Monday, August 6th, 2007
- Make a longhand list entitled “Ten Things To Do During A Power Failure While You’re House-sitting.”
- Read an entire book. (”X-Treme Latin! Unleash Your Inner Gladiator”; it’s basically a phrase book. From the Country Music Favourites page - ‘Sine Te Tam Miser Sum Ut Videaris Etiamnunc Adesse‘, which translates as ‘I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here‘.)
- Read Monday’s Globe and Mail, front to back, even Sports.
- Ingenuously ask the neighbours if their power’s back on.
- Disingenuously ask the other neighbours if their power’s back on.
- Worry about the old lady across the street who seems okay but you’d feel bad if you found out something happened to her when you didn’t check.
- Stare longingly at the blind TV. It can’t see you, so it’s not fulfilling its destiny. (Me! It can’t see me!)
- Believe Reality when the power comes back on for about 3 minutes but then, haha, goes off again.
- Try to teach yourself piano but give up when you realize that while you may never be the new Keith Jarrett, you just might be the new Charles Ives and that’s dissonantly disturbing.
- Clean out the freezer. By eating.
- Add some items to the list after #10.
- Phone some local friends to ask their voice-mail, in all seriousness, “Is your refrigerator running?” But use a funny voice and an accent.
- Read an entire Mad magazine. (March, 2007)
- Make anagrams in fridge magnet letters out of “Squarebob Spongepants” (”Barges Squab Opponents”, “Abbess Pang Toque Porns”, etc) and “You talking to me?” (”Image Look Nutty”, ” Teat Ugly Kimono”, etc).
- Return from the Stone Age when the power comes back on after almost exactly 3 hours.
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