Barkerburgh

For various reasons: some of you are good people (most, I’ll grant) and need a respite, some need the chance to be good (you probably don’t know who you are), some want to be good and are trying (you have good role models), some ought to have three spirits visit you if they didn’t this year (you definitely don’t know who you are - or you wouldn’t need to have three spirits visit you, you’d be in another category), and, as they say, et cetera.

The last few years have been tough for me, but life goes on, and keeps on going. I have good friends and that helps, as does my uncompromising faith in Lord Darwinism, Master Skepticism and Our Blessed Mother Science.

To the Moon, Mars, Jupiter and the Stars!

(Oo, somebody should write a song with that title!)

When I was visiting Guildwood a while back, I took a look at Reid’s list of movies and TV shows that he’s downloaded.

Here’s just a sample.

Now, I would never stoop to such a thing, and I have been rewarded.

Last night, I was transported by the new film “Doctor Who and the Christmas Invasion.” Now I know that all my immoral, unethical friends have already seen it but this was the first time for me.

It was a blast that rocked. I’d been waiting for it for a while and had my snacks and juice boxes all ready.

Yee haaaa!

It ran a little bit shy of its 90 minute time slot, and as a reward, I got to see the Christmas edition of Nick Park and Aardman Studios’ ‘Creature Comforts‘.

Now if you haven’t heard of or seen them, well let me just tell you that they took ‘man on the street’ type interviews and animated them in Aardman’s classic Claymation-type stop-motion style of those shows about the guy and that dog, only with animals as the speakers…

I say I was rewarded because my immoral and unethical friends who watched ‘The Christmas Invasion’ via download back at Hallowe’en probably didn’t watch it last night because of it was commercial television and so missed this little stocking stuffer.

It’s against my nature but I want so hard to feel smug. Really smug. The smuggiest. Smug-arama comin’ atcha down the train tracks! In-your-face smug-and-a-half.

But I won’t, because instead, I feel humble and blessed.

Na-na-na-Na-na-na!

Question 1 > How many of you don’t know how to say something like ‘just because ‘Ice Age’ seemed like it was just taking advantage of the all-CG movie boom and the voice actors were really just stunt casting doesn’t mean it was a bad or dumb movie, Barker. You should watch it, you’ll like, here’s the DVD or avi, go to town.’

Question 2> All you, that’s who.

It was on TV last night, and I laughed and ooh-ed all through it. I even didn’t watch the Alastair Sim Christmas Carol which overlapped the timeslot.

Good movie. Ray Romano was actually good!

Oh, yeah! Merry Christmas!

That’s Fremen for ‘I am profoundly moved’ (which is what the bookstore should have been named instead of that mournful Brooklynese near-homophone of my surname…).

Google is experiencing server errors, both the search engine and Gmail.

It’s been so dependable in the past. This is like when my grandfather, an endless, bountiful fount of shiny new quarters straight from the bank and Scotch mints, got too senile to even remember he had grandchildren.

Kull wahad.

Dear Friends,

In the spirit of the season, I offer the two items under ‘Pages’ in the sidebar section to the right.

The instructions are included. Pay attention to #7.

The season of presents! Always presents! Ever presents!

And kindness and love and hope, while we’re at it.

What Are The Christmas Slides?

1> They are Christmas decoration jpegs created from Powerpoint slides (the Powerpoint presentation is included).

2> The usable portion of each 8.5 by 11 slide is an 8.5 by 8.5 square divided into four triangles.

3> When colour-printed or printed black-and-white then hand coloured, each triangle is a Christmas decoration, for the tree or mantlepiece or window.

4> On each page - 4 versions of the same design - , two of the triangles have the point at the top and two have the point at the bottom.

How to Use The Christmas Slides

1> Browse the slides and see which ones you like.

2> Print the ones you select.

3> Colour them manually if you only have a black-and-white printer.

4> Cut them out. It’s easy, they’re just triangles.

5> For tree decorations (keep them away from the lights!) form them into a ring like a napkin ring and seal them with glue, tape, staples or those little brass button things with the two flanges that you spread, you know what I mean.

6> For window decorations you can join the edges of several of them to create a garland.

7> Remember to use them on the tree, window, etc, take a picture, post it so I think you’ve used them, and take them off, then keep them handy in case I drop my unexpectedly during the holidays.

8> Merry Christmas!

What Are The Christmas Slides?

1> They are Christmas decoration jpegs created from Powerpoint slides (the Powerpoint presentation is included).

2> The usable portion of each 8.5 by 11 slide is an 8.5 by 8.5 square divided into four triangles.

3> When colour-printed or printed black-and-white then hand coloured, each triangle is a Christmas decoration, for the tree or mantlepiece or window.

4> On each page - 4 versions of the same design - , two of the triangles have the point at the top and two have the point at the bottom.

How to Use The Christmas Slides

1> Browse the slides and see which ones you like.

2> Print the ones you select.

3> Colour them manually if you only have a black-and-white printer.

4> Cut them out. It’s easy, they’re just triangles.

5> For tree decorations (keep them away from the lights!) form them into a ring like a napkin ring and seal them with glue, tape, staples or those little brass button things with the two flanges that you spread, you know what I mean.

6> For window decorations you can join the edges of several of them to create a garland.

7> Remember to use them on the tree, window, etc, take a picture, post it so I think you’ve used them, and take them off, then keep them handy in case I drop my unexpectedly during the holidays.

8> Merry Christmas!

Oh!

- dry coffee cake
- Kitty Pilgrim’s PMS
- a flat tire
- baby legal citizens
- the budget deficit
- Chinese astronauts
- the Green River Killer
- Katrina
- Rita
- Wilma
- Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta…
- Heaven’s Gate, the movie
- Heaven’s Gate, the cult

More to come…

Go ahead, leave a comment telling what you think pisses me off.