I Hate Kids
Anybody who knows me knows how much I dislike children. Not just some children, like the wicked hellions my friends are raising, but all kids.
Did you see the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Remember the crazy old man who travelled around with a cage on wagon and a net to capture children, who were illegal in the country of Vulgaria. That would be me.
And don’t get me started about happy, well-behaved children in public places! They’re just saving it all up. For the worst possible time.
Kids are sly. You know how people say they’re sick of precociously witty and intelligent children in rubber-stamp US sitcoms? It’s because that part’s not made up. Children are all really like that in real life. The parents just don’t see it. But I do.
I’m warning you. Stay away from children! They’ll sap your energy and play with your head. You’ll end up just like me.
Be warned, be afraid, and run away, for the love of God.
July 28th, 2005 at 1:34 pm
Did you know Chitty Chitty.. was written by Ian Fleming? Children are the ones that happily entertain free thoughts like those expressed by Flemming. It takes years of study to become blind and spellbound by the pox populi of one’s locale, and then they brand you “adult” once the transformation is complete. If you are not granted your adult diploma of the inane, you are branded eccentric, like the inventor in Chitty Chitty (Caracatus Potts :) ).
Anyway my kids are obviously innocent and angel-like, although the speed with which the one hit the “back” button in the web browser when she accidentally found a picture of a bare and hairy chested Jon Bon Jovi (wikipedia, if you care) makes you wonder. I figure she just doesn’t like hard-rock.
July 28th, 2005 at 2:26 pm
Yup, Fleming’s authorship was one of the first things I know about it, reading it even before I saw it! Then I read James Bond too.
Sometimes I totally agree with your first paragraph, sometimes I agree even more.
But I was born in the summer and according to a recent study, I’m supposed to be an optimist.
Things could be worse.
I could be a parent.
=;]
August 14th, 2005 at 8:22 pm
You were a kid once too, So stfu>fo. Don’t get me wrong, if some little punk came up to me and squirted me with a water gun in the face, I’d wanna slap the snot out of him/her, but seriously, not all kids are “wicked hellions”.
August 15th, 2005 at 2:25 pm
Do I know you?
Because if you knew me, you’d know I’m absolutely not serious.
I really enjoy all my friends kids, the quiet ones, the rowdy ones, all of them.
There’s E.M.B, who’s quiet and studious, but very smart and even funny when she opens up. There’s R.E. who’s a lot of fun all the way round, like his brother M.G.C. but different.
There’s J.K. who except for her height, could be mistaken for an adult sometimes.
Then there’s Reid. He has the best toys and can afford almost all the new ones. And he shares.
=;]