Are You There, God? It’s Me, David William Barker
God, do You know what a Distributed Denial of Service attack is?
I guess You do, because in a way, You invented it, now didn’t You?
(Interesting that in English, the only times personal pronouns are properly always capitalized are when I am referring to myself as ‘I’, and You. Was that Your idea too?)
So, anyway, since I assume You do know about DDOS, I would like to make a suggestion. Modify the concept a bit.
You know all those crazy-@$$ Christian fundamentalists that think they know Your own will better than You do?
Couldn’t You just, You know, take the fear of God out them and put in the love of God? (It’s distributed in the sense of One to Many, as opposed to Many to One, but the metaphor still holds, no matter what P.B. Nerd thinks.)
The reason I’m asking is that today, CNN, via AP is reporting that three crosses were burned in the city of Durham, North Carolina. You know where that is.
And You know that that particular mode of expression is used almost exclusively by the Klan, a group of Your children who hate another group of Your children for no reason. They make up reasons, but they’re bogus. Usually they have to do with colour of skin or misreadings of the Bible, which probably frosts Your lily, I’ll bet. There’s a strong undercurrent of what’s called Evangelical Christianity, an Orwellian Newspeak oxymoron if ever I heard one because Christians are giving themselves a bnm rap these days, and I don’t think these guys know that Evangelical ultimately comes from the ancient Greek for “Good News”. But why am I telling You that?
I know You don’t like to interfere too much with Creation. Neither do I. But, since You have done on many occasions - they’re documented - one more time isn’t going to hurt and could only help.
So here’s my plan, which in a way is Yours. Knowing as You do how complex the human brain is, and how much more complex is the human psychology that is the result, why not just go into all the brains south of the Mason-Dixon Line (to start, there’s way more to do than just that…) and tweak’em a bit.
Don’t tamper with Free Will; I know from personal experience how touchy You are about that. Just adjust things like synapses and brain-chemicals so they’re not all so lame-@$$ stupid. Honestly, Sir, if He!! is other people, these are the other people who He!! is.
Practice on the American bigots first. Then try Canada; we’re not as bad, but there’s still some really sad cases west of the Great Lakes - okay, here in Toronto, too, but there are local checks and balances on them most of the time. Again, why am I telling You?
After that, there’s pus pockets of their kind of nastiness all over the world. I imagine You could do them all at once if You wanted to, but You could make an example of the American bigots and then see if the rest of the world picks up on it. Like in Rwanda or Iraq, or Northern Ireland, You know, basically the whole National Geographic World Atlas index.
If gentle Divine Intervention doesn’t work, may I suggest that You go back to the original definition of Distributed Denial of Service? I would seriously like to see the effect of one of Your really sincere DDOSs on those kind of humans.
Amen and Awomen, Hymns and Hers,
David William Barker