Barkerburgh

A week ago yesterday (yesterday being Sunday, thus the day in question being the Sunday previous…) I fell on the road, once on the way to the library and once on the way back. There’d been that snowstorm the night previous. I had on snow boots of the type we called ’snowmobile boots’ in my youth, that are good on actual snow, but useless on partially shovelled walks or the slick sections of ploughed roads.

By Monday I was feeling it, not great pain, just annoying twinges in the right knee, my arthritic right hip, my neck and my elbow.

I thought I was getting better but the last two days I feel that I worked out for the first time in months and then somebody beat me up, and then I fell out of a tree.

(I am reminded of a joke. Ronnie, write this down. ‘A man broke his leg in two places. I guess he should stay out of those two places.’)

Back to my story. No, I guess that’s it.

(I am reminded of another joke. Ronnie. ‘I just met a man with a wooden leg named Smith. Oh. What was the name of his other leg?)

(”Madam, I fear I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it.” “Well that’s all very well and good, but how are you at catching mice?”)

Hunh. I suddenly feel much better.

Now we know.

But I was betting Flanders. We already knew about Rod and Todd in the future.

*And Peggy Hill ain’t no ugly monkey neither. There was this one scene with her in a negligee, oh man…

So when your DVD player dies dead thrice, you have no choice but to watch the VHS movies you borrowed from the public library, even though you have this stash of DVDs borrowed from the library and from friends. Rrrr.

Yesterday I picked up “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” from the library, knowing it was less than well-received by Kevin Smith’s fans in generals and critics in particular. But it is Kevin Smith.

Well, I laughed my guts out. Ever since I saw a four hour compilation of Smith’s cross-America college talk tour taped off Pay-TV, I’ve had a new respect for him. I used to just think he was funny, now I know he’s smart too. It’s obvious in this movie, he’s matured a lot in comedic terms (and maybe comically too, I don’t know, ask his wife…) and the complex self-referential nature of the film, without being self-reverential, is satisfying and funny.

I’m am now looking forward to seeing Jersey Girl (previously not so much), which has not appeared yet in Toronto’s public library system.

It looks like he’s got some interesting stuff going on. I’m especially interested in ‘Fletch Won’ (qv)and ‘Passion of the Clerks’ (qv).

Anybody have a non-DVD copy of the animated series ‘Clerks‘?

Reid has upgraded me laterally to Word Press.

I say laterally provisionally because even though he has good things to say about WP, I’m a little gun-shy after primitive blogger (not so primitive now, but still a little luddy) and flashy MT with lots of dialog boxes, and then some more dialog boxes.

We’ll see.

And in other Tek Nyooze, [conga_music]Luisa got her gas stove! Luisa got her gas stove![/conga_music]

But she may have lost her computer because her husband likes to fiddle without trained and certified professional support.

I hope they still have the Space Chair come summer. God knows what’ll happen if Reid gets his hands on that. They should at least back it up first.

(Jeezes, Reid, the saving is lickety split on WP, ain’t it?)

Remember where your boss key is.

It’s called Gizzoogle and it translates a webpage or an input string into Dog SnoopySnoop’s ‘izzle’ language, whatever the fizzle that’s called.

Check this out.

And while you’re here, try this.

Reprezizzle!

Well, either the Bahais haven’t been around long enough as a religion to have accreted their own corpus of jokes, or nobody thinks they’re funny.

Google string: “how many bahais does it take to change a light bulb”

Google string: “bahai jokes”

Google string: “jokes about bahais”

Hmm, come to think of it, the Heaven’s Gate guys were around for what, a week and a half before they got funny? And I guess, in order for people to think you’re funny, they have to know you exist. Or think You do.

Some of you may know that I was a Mormon once. According to them I still am. I was also almost a Bahai.

So here’s the Google string for “how many mormons does it take to change a lightbulb”.

I recommend this one.

* From the South Park Scriptorium

Episode 602. Jared Has Aides (Original Airdate: 3/6/02)

Mr. Mackey: Uh hey, yeah. We, we woulda never laughed about this before.
Randy: Well don’t you see what this means? It’s been 22.3 years, so… AIDS is finally funny!
People in Crowd: Ooohhh.

(Himself says ‘You had to be there.’)

While searching for Christian light bulb jokes, I found this in a link to Christian Humour.

Anyway, here’s the light bulb jokes.

How Many Christians Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go off and on at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light bulb is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring a bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review the church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish: What’s a light bulb?

Bonus Joke

What’s the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist?

A Methodist will acknowledge you when you run into him in the liquor store.

Two cows are standing in a field, and one says to the other “I’m afraid of getting mad cow disease”. The other one replies “I’m not afraid of getting mad cow disease; I’m an ostrich.”

*A fish.

I just got a library card for the first time in twenty five years.

I used to just go to the main branch at Yonge and Bloor, look stuff up and go home.

Now I take stuff out.

Look what I can do!

What’s the best time to go see the dentist?

Move the mouse over this sentence to see the answer.

Or highlight

‘Tooth Hurty’ - say it out loud…

the gap above.